There is a blank page in my college scrapbook... just one. For some reason it was always too hard to go back and relive. Thanks for humoring me as I go there again. Here in my life of cheerios, dirty diapers, and playdates its seems odd to go back there - to me as the bright eyed 21 year old co-ed...Here it is... a recap of the most memorable event of my senior year...
Ten years ago today Texas A&M University experienced a sadness that can not be explained. I remember that morning vividly...
My alarm clock woke me with my favorite radio station Aggie 96. As a senior, I was doing a teaching internship, getting up pretty early. This morning was different... instead of the usual upbeat country music gently waking me, I heard concerned voices...
"To those of you just joining us this morning.... Aggie Bonfire has fallen... at 2:00 am this morning, stack fell and as of now we have no idea how many Ags are trapped under the logs."
Unbelief... Until I saw it for my own eyes- KBTX, the hometown tv station had live footage.... the horrible scene that still sends shivers down my body. Where is my little brother, John? As a freshman in the Corps of Cadets, he should be working on stack tonight.
The phone began to ring.... in a sea of confusion and unanswered questions... some were answered. John was okay. His outfit had traded their duty that night with another group of guys...
But the search to find beloved friends and buddies seemed never ending... Do you know if so and so was working tonight.... What about his outfit - were they out there? Have you talked to him yet?...
I remember feeling as if I was glued to the television and yet if I watched one more moment of this horror story, I would become sick. Knowing that there were fellow classmates and friends stuck under this mess.... Just a feeling of utter helplessness BUT with hope.
I remember a lot of praying going on that day...Jen and Beth and I huddled on our living room floor just crying and pleading with the Lord to save lives.
I remember going through the motions to go to school that morning and just feeling numb.... My mentor teacher took one look at me and said ,"Go home." Heading back home I changed my route so that I wouldn't have to go past the polo fields, and see the sadness in reality.
I remember the day unfolding in slow motion... all the phone calls .... all the details slowly coming together.... all the elation as Aggies emerged from the stack -injured - but alive.. and all the mourning as 12 Aggies lost their lives that morning. Just a brokenness... deep down that can't be explained.
I remember having a bridal shower the following weekend... thinking How can we just go on with life .. as if life is normal... as if everything is okay? How can we celebrate when sadness is just flooding this town?
I remember church that Sunday.. the tears...the sanctuary filled with hurting people. I remember vividly falling apart in the midst of worshiping as a body of believers... standing next to my family - all of us weeping in a way we have never cried before... Thinking, "this hurts..." And when I felt like I would just have to be mopped up from under the pew, someone behind me just put their hand on my back. I do not know who that was that touched me during that dark moment... But I remember feeling His presence there.... knowing that He was with each one of us - with His arms around us... saying "You'll be okay. I'll get you through this. I'm right here."
I remember refusing to drive by the main entrance of the university for over a month... I just couldn't bring myself to see it... the empty space where Bonfire once stood...an empty space where life ended for so many...an emptiness that held decades of memories and tradition that can't be experienced anywhere else.... an emptiness that seemed to scream "It's over."
So, here we are 10 years later. We picked up and kept moving through life. Lots has happened over the past 10 years. Lots of celebrating but there has also been hurt and sadness... we can't escape it. Through it all, it has been a comfort to remember that He is with us - in the middle of the mess we feel.. saying "You'll be okay. I'll get you through this. I'm right here."